After reading The 5 Languages of Love by Dr. Chapman for our last book club, We decided to read the one for children for our July book club meeting.
The book describes in great detail each love language which is followed by a chapter on how to figure out what is your child's primary love language. After reading this book, I could see that my daughter's love language is quality time, she loves to spend one on one time with me, she asks to play board games, read to me, and go run errands with me. I could also see that my son's love language is gifts. He gets so excited when I get him a little gift, it can be anything from a lollipop, to a small toy, he treasures them and puts them into his treasure box or is constantly carrying them around with him.
Here are the five languages:
Quality Time- Your child feels most loved when you are doing things with the kids, spending time and doing different activities with them.
Words of Affirmation- Your child feels most loved when you use positive words, praise, love notes, and affection to towards them.
Gifts- Your child feels most loved when you give them gifts, little notes and cards. They usually proudly display their gift, or carry it around with them everywhere they go.
Acts of Service- Your child feels most loved when you do things for them, it could be fixing their toy, making them a special snack, getting their things together for school, etc.
Physical Touch- Your child feels most loved when you hug, cuddle, hold hands with them. With boys it could be wrestling, playing sports with them.
I especially love that at the end of each chapter on the different love languages, it gives a list of suggestions and ideas on how to implement that love language into your child's life. Sometimes I need ideas, and this helps me out.
Dr. Chapman goes to say that you should speak all love languages to your child, similarly you should never use a disciplinary method which attacks their primary love language. For example you would spank a child whose primary love language is physical touch or send a child to their room if their primary love language is quality time. It can really hurt your child's love tank.
In chapter 7 it says, Speaking your childs primary love language helps her feel loved. When your child feels loved, when her emotional tank is full she will be more responsive to parental guidance in all areas of her life. She will listen without resentment.
In the next chapter it discusses discipline, my favorite part which I highlighted:
"Contrary to what many people think, discipline comes from the Greek word "to train". Discipline involves the long and vigilant task of guiding a child from infancy to adulthood. The goal is that the child would reach a level of maturity that will allow him to one day to function as a responsible adult in society."
"To be effective in discipline, parents must keep the child's emotional love tank filled with love. In fact, discipline without out love is like trying to run a machine without oil."
I think that all parents could benefit from reading this book. When you understand your children, you can build stronger relationships as a family.
Have you read this book?
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